​ 
 
“We’re taught to avoid failing and its siblings: falling, faltering, flailing, foundering, fumbling. (I call these life’s beautiful F-words). But we’d all have an easier time if we accepted that these seemingly disastrous experiences are not only a normal part of life but are actually our greatest teachers in disguise. The right mentors encourage it even. Take this from Game of Thrones:
 
JON SNOW: “I failed”.
SER DAVOS: “Good. Now go fail again.”[1]”



Think back to your early childhood. We’ve all heard the encouragement from parents and primary school teachers telling us; “if at first you don’t succeed try and try again”. And you did. That’s how you learned to accomplish the critical fundamentals such as the reading, writing and arithmetic that are the infrastructure for so much of our learning as adults. That’s also how you learned to skate. You kept falling down on the ice but you kept getting up and trying again until you learned how to do it and perhaps went on to play hockey where you learned what teamwork was all about. These were your F.A.I.L.s (first attempts in learning). You wouldn’t be where you are today without having embraced them.
 
Unfortunately, the value and merits of F.A.I.L. and its demonstrable evidence in bringing out the best in of what is in the best interest of an emergent generation of aspiring professionals have been pushed aside and replaced by perfectionism by parents and educational institutions of higher learning. According to Wharton School psychologist Adam Grant, host of the hit podcast   Rethinking, “There’s strong evidence that perfectionism has been rising in for years across the United States, the United Kingdom and Canada. --- In an increasingly competitive world, kids face growing pressure from parents to be perfect and harsh criticism when they fall short.”[2]
 
My book Meaningful Memories[3] takes you “back to the future” with demonstrable evidence of the true value of F.A.I.L. with personal accounts of its value and how it works.  Read the chapter “A Good Read”. It recounts my F.A.I.L. (first attempt in learning) in primary and secondary education whereby I started with learning to read and climbed the literate ladder to critical reading and writing which was rekindled in my adult life to succeed as a legal author and law professor after failing to succeed in the perfect career as a lawyer. Another chapter; The Fight for What’s Right” recounts how my siding with a person of colour who was being victimized and bullied in grade school was a successful F.A.I.L. that I rekindled in my professional life to take the lead in combatting systemic discrimination in the accreditation of credentials for internationally trained professionals. This opened the door for me to engage in mentoring and counselling more than a thousand aspiring professionals on international graduate education in top tier UK universities through Canada Law from Abroad (www.canadalawfromabroad.com)
 
Yes, I’ve been there and done it. Shutting out all of that external noise from friends and supposed experts who know all about those perfect careers and how you should go about perfecting yourself to get into them enabled me think for myself about myself enabled me to recollect and reflect on my F.A.I.L.s. My rekindling of what I had learned to like and what my positive attributes were enabled me to ignite my passion and develop a personalized pathway to a successful professional career and live life to the fullest.
 
Julie Lythcott-Hams, who was quoted in the introduction, is an internationally acclaimed mentor for aspirant gen zs. Take a read about how what she has to say corroborates what I’ve just told you.
 
“ Take some deep breaths. Tell yourself you don’t need to hear the word perfect and to always feel “comfortable” to know you’re okay. Do this over and over again until the thought begins to come naturally to you. (It will.) Remember that this life you’re leading is a process of learning. Look for the teachers who can help you grow. They are everywhere. [4]
 
Now, go to my web site at (www.johngkelly.ca) and scroll into the UNI & College Pathways to Personalized Health Careers page. Give it a read. Give it some thought.   Yes, I’m the mentor you need who can work with you to rekindle your F.A.I.L.s and ignite your passion to guide you to your personalized health career pathway. Connect with me by e-mailing [email protected]


[1] Julie Lythcott-Hams, Your Turn  How to Be an Adult.  New York. Henry Holt and Company. (2021). At p.36

[2] Adam Grant. Hidden Potential – The Science of Achieving Greater Things. New York. Viking. (2023) at P.66.

[3] John G. Kelly, Meaningful Memories. Friesen Press. Altona Manitoba. (2022).

[4] Supra 1 at P.64.

​  
 
 
“Perfectionism is not a personal obsession – it’s a decidedly cultural one. As soon as we’re old enough to interpret the world around us, we begin noticing its ubiquity on our televisions and movie screens, billboards, computers and smart phones. It’s right there in the language our parents use, the way our news is framed, the things our politicians say, how our economy works, and the makeup of our social and civic institutions. We radiate perfection because our world radiates perfection.[1]
 
Rather than shooting for perfection---we should be shooting for excellence[2]
 
A perfectionist education trap that ensnares many students frequently starts in high school. Family discussions, particularly when piloted by “helicopter parents” exhort their teenagers to “reach for the top”. There’s often family chatter about prestigious careers as a doctor, lawyer or MBA senior executive, the perfectionist high profile occupations.  
 
This sets the stage for a visit to the school guidance counsellor. High school guidance counsellors are university graduates. The great majority have completed a university degree focusing on counselling and guidance that is academic oriented and university centric.
 
 I know this from my experience as a law professor at a community college in Toronto. I was a member of a guidance advisory team that liaised with  high - school guidance counsellors to introduce them to the direct entry high school college diploma programs and university entry  graduate post diploma and graduate certificate credential programs. There was an appalling lack of knowledge about the college system, how it linked with an increasing number of university programs and the corresponding professional and paraprofessional credentials and accreditations available through the college system.  Nor were they conversant with apprenticeship training for the skilled trades and the prestigious Red Seal classification
 
 Consequently, the guidance counsellor is enveloped in a professional perfection counselling trap.  They’re acclimatized to the university system of education. They will have a copy of the student’s school performance that contains a listing of their subjects and academic grades, etc. There are niche counselling programs that are designed to cater to students with disabilities or special needs. For students in the mainstream, academic performance, not a personal passion and/or lifestyle preference, is utilized as the foundation for counselling.
 
 Parental persuasion has convinced the student to park their passion and start thinking about a prestigious career, the perfection trap. The primary focus is on the role and importance of pursuing post- secondary education, ideally in a university, as the foundation for the pathway to a rewarding adult career. Moreover, the recommended university degree is linked to their academic performance and the pinnacle of a professional career in a complementary field. It’s the perfect position the best and brightest should strive to become in contemporary society.
 
 
 Consequently, what’s touted as guidance is all too often a “prep” talk. The student is forewarned that only the best and brightest, the “perfectionists” with dazzling GPAs (the top 10th percentile) get accepted into prestigious graduate degree programs. The student is advised to enroll in a top ranked university (the perfect university) that has one or more professional graduate degree programs. An application to local or regional university is a backup if the GPA doesn’t quite meet admissions criteria for their primary choice or affordability is an issue.
 
Now, of course, the student does have a mind of their own. And, more often than not, during the four years of university baccalaureate studies they do take elective courses in subjects that are of personal interest and have the potential to kindle or rekindle a passion. But they invariably put those interests aside and concentrate on the perfectionist path. After all, isn’t that the primary purpose of university education?
 
It certainly is for a number of students with professional aspirations that are linked with their passions. I created Canada Law From Abroad (www.canadalawfromabroad.com) to mentor and counsel baccalaureate degree graduates in that top 10th percentile on pursuing legal and law related professional degrees  (primarily in holistic health and public  policy) in world class U.K. universities.
 
But the end result for the majority of graduates in the 90th percentile “average student category” is frequently a young adult with a baccalaureate degree and a hefty financial debt left wondering where they really want to go in life and how do they embrace a career that will enable them to ignite their passion to get there. This opens the door for getting out of the perfection trap and pursuing a personal excellence pathway.
 
 What they need to know and appreciate prior to enrolling in a baccalaureate degree university program is what that means in the paradigm shift taking place in a turbulent global socio-economic environment. Think of B.A. as a euphemism for ”Beginning of it All”. It’s the first step on a pathway that will enable the student to ignite their passion and acquire the expertise and credentials to open the door to holistic careers of all manner and sorts. In other words, the B.A. is the first step in what in contemporary society will be a 5-6 year program of study.
 
That next step is a college graduate post diploma (2 semesters1 year or graduate certificate (1 semester) program. One of my roles as a college professor was to be the lead in the development of a series of graduate post-diploma and graduate certificate programs in which we partnered with
 
 
 
 
 
 
 organizations by providing the practical training for career entry at the management level. Moreover, many qualify graduates for professional and para-professional designations. The broad range of programs enable the student to pursue a applied education that transforms their passion into a personalized career pathway.
 
An endnote. An increasing number of colleges now have two - year direct entry high school  diploma programs that provide two years of equivalent university education and qualify the graduate for entry into the third year of a B.A/B.Sc. baccalaureate degree program. The student obtains university level education with a practical focus. College tuition is less expensive than university tuition. In addition, at the completion of two years some college diploma programs qualify the student for accreditation or certification that opens the door earn while you learn opportunities while completing the third and fourth year of  a university baccalaureate degree.


[1] Thomas Curran, The Perfection Trap. Toronto. Scribner. ( 2023) at P.29

[2] Supra at P71.